When I first started decided to start a blog, I originally wanted it to be about my dating life and share stories of being a single. No, I am not trying to be the next Matthew Hussey and share my 4 strategies to texting a guy. I wanted to talk about my experiences dating in this modern world while living in a small isolated city located in Northwestern Ontario.
The small city I live in has a population of about 110,000 people which you think would be a decent number, but when you start to break it down to estimate the number of single, available men looking for a relationship that number suddenly gets smaller – especially when you consider the possible number of men leaving the community because of challenges in the economy and lack of jobs here. Am I overthinking? Maybe a little.
I’ve had plenty of opportunities to leave and move to another bigger city. Sometimes I still wished I did just because of the amount of opportunities that could have come my way professionally, socially, romantically, and personally overall. At the end of it, I made the decision to stay in my home town because I wanted to remain as close as possible to my family. So far, it’s paid off. I have a career I love, I am now a homeowner, I have most of my shit together except for one area: relationships.
Of course in my “know-it-all” ways, I turned to listening to a variety of podcasts and YouTube channels about dating which I found helpful but at the same time I found it geared towards singles living in big metropolis cities. After some time of failed dates and becoming tired of the dating sites and apps with the same men, strong feelings of discouragement. I reached a place where I needed to have a talk with myself about the real possibility that I could be a single person for either a portion or the rest of my life. It’s a horrible thing to think about, but I needed to learn how to be okay with this. If I’m not meant to have the relationship I want, how can I be okay with myself and truly have the life I want where I’m happy and fulfilled?
Most of my twenties and early thirties were spent in school, so having a social life was pretty non-existent. I’ve been single for five years and with age comes shifts and changes in friendships. I wanted to go out and do fun things, meet new people and grow. So I started searching. Events, groups, anything that would help me achieve the things I just mentioned. I would like to share these ideas in case anyone else is in a similar situation to me.
- Find out about or join local groups and activities happening in your community: I enjoyed going to the gym but it’s not really a social thing for me. In the winter of 2019 I took a learn to curl course with my sister and ended up joining a curling team later that fall with coworkers. Curling is a social sport where a lot of teams/players will stay behind to socialize – especially during bonspiels! Another sport was squash. I was in a beginners group and right now I am waiting to hear about a womens’ drop in league so I can participate more. Whether it is golf, running, hiking, there could be really cool groups that you can connect with and reap the benefits of as part of combining physical activity and socializing.
- Explore your creative side!: I guess this falls with the previous section of joining groups. Growing up I loved art and drawing but when college and university came into my life, I pulled away from it. In the fall of 2019 I heard about a life-drawing class offered through one of the art galleries in town and immediately joined. It’s become a Tuesday night ritual and I’ve been able to connect with local artists and fellow art lovers. Paint parties have also gained a lot of popularity, maybe even attending one could be a positive experience for you to do on your own or socialize with other attendees.
- Find the “Reading Rainbow”: One thing that I knew that would involve a consistent meet up place with a consistent group of people were book clubs. This one almost didn’t happen since the book clubs apart of the public libraries had waitlists…but I managed to find one. A feminist one too – I know feminism isn’t a topic that many people enjoy, but for me it is. It’s a group of women I’ve been able to meet with on a monthly basis and talk about a variety of things including social issues which I connect with since it’s the apart of the field I work in.
- Two words: Bumble BFF: Did you know that Bumble is more than just a dating app? There’s a portion of the app that women can use to connect with other women and try to create friendships with. So far I’ve formed a friendship with one woman and we get together to check out different events in town. Although I have my main group of friends that seems to be shifting recently, it’s been refreshing to meet someone new.
- The world is at your finger tips: Have you considered going on an adventure to explore the world? Many people find will use their time being single to travel and explore either solo or through a group tour. A coworker of mine decided to start travelling after her divorce and says it is the best thing she has ever done. There are groups like Flashpack which although can be a bit costly, they give the opportunity for singles 30+ to travel with other singles in various locations around the world. Or there is the option of solo travel which is pretty popular. I’ve done it once to Italy back in 2012, but I got lucky since I have family over there to stay with. This summer my friend and I are planning a trip for the two of us to go on so we can knock a few places off our bucket list. Not only that, you get to meet other fellow travelers that you might be able to travel with depending on your itineary.
I think this is what I have to share for now. I am always looking for new things I can go out and do in my community. Another thing I wanted to mention that I actually went to see a counsellor. Some people may not want to talk but considering I work in social services, I do see value to the counselling process. If that’s not your thing, that’s okay, to each their own, right? As mentioned earlier, I wanted to learn how to be okay with my “singleness” and going to talk to someone has been helpful in learning strategies on how I can love myself and aim to live the best life I can for myself whether or not I have a special someone in my life.
If there’s a fellow single gal in her 30’s living in a small community like me in a similar situation who comes across this, I truly hope this helps you in some way. It’s definitely a topic I would like to discuss more on this blog. For the sake of honesty, I have recently met someone and started a relationship but I am still very familiar with being in a single’s state of mind.
Considering Valentine’s Day just passed, I know how difficult it can be to be single when everything about dating, love, relationships, being ditched by your friends so they can hang out with their fuck boy is being shoved in your face. What I do want you to know is that you have value. A relationship/significant other does not define your worth. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not broken. You are worthy of love, happiness, friendships, peace, etc and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
I’ll end this post with a YouTube video from Isabel Palacios that I listened to when I was going through a rough patch and feeling discouragement towards my single life. The video is about being a high value woman and reminded me to stay true to myself. Here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F438NE2oCeg&t=3s
Thanks for reading and take care.
-elle
being elle 